The most evil word of evil words.

Why I say that? Because I figured out that different people have the most evil expectations of my being.

Some do think I am the cutest little fellah on earth and I should behave like this… respectively my father’s family believe that to be true and reacts shocked when I act out of that role they made up in their heads. Proof: I had quite the letter traffic between my grandma and I until I wrote something which wasn’t in favor of my father and it was the last letter since January.

Others think I’m the same as I was years ago… literally years. I got back into contact with friends and school mates over the last few months and their expectations about my personality seems to be off of what they get now. Quite confusing and for myself frustrating to tell them “sorry, that’s not me anymore, get over it”. For a few that works, others need more time, but that’s fine – I didn’t change over night as well.

So there’s also that fraction of people who just (randomly) fall in love with me… or at least with the picture of how I should be and behave in their heads… and don’t get over that their expectation isn’t reality. Gosh, I had so many fights in the last few weeks – if I wouldn’t have more important problems and issues at my hand right now I would’ve gone nuts.

Expectations… a really weird topic to be honest. Of course I have some expectations for myself as well, but not as in “you should be like this or that” more like “You want to reach goal x”. And usually I make it. Somehow, but I do. The easiest way of not getting too depressed.
On the other hand I think some people need expectations about someone to make it through life… even so if it’s misplaced, but well. I don’t say I understand this – I never did expect anything from anyone except myself and thank goodness I kept up with that – I just want to say that feeling the pressure of expectations really sucks.

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